Comment by a fellow teacher who nailed the PARCC problem in a sound bite:

“I’m so sick of kids being set up for failure under the PRETENSE of being set up for success!”

Eduhonesty: I am teaching typing as fast as I can because I think that’s one element of the upcoming PARCC test for which the kids can prepare. But I expect a total bloodbath nonetheless. I’ve looked into the practice test. We will fail. I am in trouble with administration when I say anything to that effect. Realism is not allowed and I’m already in trouble with admins who spout the stock phrase, “No excuses!” No excuses allows for no explanations, but that hardly matters: No one on top is listening anyway.

I guess the test will tell. In fact, I’m sure the test will tell. I know what the test is going to say, too.

I just wish someone in charge would at least consider the fact that the eggs we are breaking to make this new PARCC omelette happen to be kids, many of whom are likely to feel about as dumb as the proverbial rock come late spring.

The research suggests we shouldn’t bribe kids. Rewards don’t work in the long-run, we are told. I am sure they are right, but sometimes we don’t need a multi-year commitment. I have a tutoring group working in a typing program, trying to increase speed and accuracy to get candy coupons. This effort has gotten slightly expensive. I am giving out handfuls of candy. Typing is happening, though. Some of them type nonstop throughout the period while I walk around persuading them to put their fingers in the right place.

Eduhonesty: I favor occasional bribery. For repetitive, competitive tasks like typing, candy coupons work great.

My student wrote this and I asked her to share it with me:

“So one time their was this girl who had no valentine. She was all sad but that’s cool because guess what she found out: You need no guy to be happy. All you need is candy, Netflix and a friend to enjoy the day with,and if all your friends are busy you can hang out with your sister. girls think you need a guy to be happy thats a lie because truly you need yourself and your family. boys come and go and if one leaves you remember your parents always taught you to share your used toys. cx love” (the girl who wrote this) “oh yeah and i almost forgot the pizza part lol love ya happy valentine’s day <3." Eduhonesty: My kitchen has beautiful roses and lilies. My husband and I are whittling away at Valentine's Day chocolates. A student also gave me a couple of roses. Valentine's Day can be a happy win. But I sort of wish this holiday would disappear. It's so hard on some people, like a Christmas that didn't come. My student is wise beyond her years. Few adolescents bring this much understanding to the table, however. Romantic turmoil roiled through my middle school last week. It's not Valentine's Day per se that bothers me. It's the pressure on young girls to be in a relationship. Seventh grade girls should not have to be so wise and philosophical.

This is getting silly. We’ll ignore the three (four?) cancellations of a post-observation conference by Admin #1. At least Admin #1 was polite about all those disruptions. But Admin #2 has been driving me nuts. This morning, I found an email that had been sent out at 9 o’clock the night before, rescheduling a morning meeting with me and asking me to bring a multi-question document on my reflections for the year past and the year to come. I stumbled on this document at 6 AM. Once again, planning for my classes had to shut down. Emergency! Reflect! Type fast! The meeting that had been rescheduled would be rescheduled two more times that morning. When I finally got there, Admin #2 told me that the emailed document was optional. Nothing in the email said anything about optional, however. That man has got to stop sending me projects with less than 24 hours notice. This was less than 12 hours notice, given the time of the original meeting.

A couple of days ago, at 8:43 PM, he sent me an obscure email telling me I had an appointment for 10:00 the next day. I replied, “Umm… I’m happy to join you for this, but what is it?” No response. I went at 10 and waited in a hallway, finally sitting on the floor by the wall, since Admin #2 had “double-booked” himself by his own admission. I then discovered I was expected to provide large quantities of documentation that proved I did not suck. I got a couple of days to do this. I gathered evidence for the meeting that kept changing times, the one for which I was supposed to prepare the document that hit my inbox slightly before bedtime the night before. As I said to colleagues, if I had not checked my mail at 6 in the morning, I’d have been frazzled since I would have had zero time at school to work on the document I was told I needed to bring.

Eduhonesty: Does everything always have to be an emergency? Just asking.

Slightly over half of my students made it to school yesterday. Many districts had closed but my district threw the doors open, advising parents to use their discretion in sending students to school. Some kids who needed to walk in those sub-zero temperatures stayed home, so low attendance was no surprise. In this time of working parents, and in this poor area where families sometimes share one car, transportation to school may be unavailable.

We had fun, but we did not make much progress. You can’t introduce new material to half of a class. We reviewed. We played math games that ended with students using the trash can as a basket and tossing tennis balls when they found the right answers. We worked quietly on study guides for upcoming quizzes.

Eduhonesty: The busses had been instructed to pick up any walkers they saw, but I would not trust my child to luck into a bus. That day was destined to be quiet, an attendance disaster. I enjoyed taking a deep breath as I worked with my tiny classes.

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people
dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people
have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”

~ George Carlin

I would love to live a visionary’s life. Right now, I’ll settle for somehow getting the idea of two-step equations over the plate. Repetition, repetition, repetition… I keep going. Relentlessness helps. My students don’t always appreciate my relentlessness. My administration doesn’t appreciate it, either, or at least I have no indication they do. Admin keeps harping on the need to teach critical thinking skills. I like critical thinking skills, don’t get me wrong, but first we have to figure out those equations.

Eduhonesty: If our educational push for critical thinking flivvers, I believe that part of the reason will be straightforward: You can’t build a bridge until you have the stone or steel you need for girders.

I don’t know why I have played this game so long. I suppose because I have wanted to do right by the kids. I’ll finish out the year. But that’s it. I suspect I am retiring. Maybe I should plan myself a party.

Eduhonesty: I’ll have time to take this blog more seriously soon. I seem to have readers. If I do attempt to do more with the blog, I promise not to plant insurance pop-ups and promotions for skin care products next to tabs that take you to car ads. I hope to make comments easier, too. I’d have done that sooner but, when I’ve tried, the spam was overwhelming.

Maybe I’ll finish my science fiction novel. I’m not sure what’s next. But I know that I want off the proving grounds. I believe it’s time to retire although I’ll wait a few months on that. I can at least look at nearby schools before I do any official paperwork. I won’t drive more than 15 miles, though. I live in a desirable area for teachers so I don’t know that any options will arise within my little circle.

Time to get dressed. I wish you all a Happy Day, readers.

My last post is part of my attempt to tease out the answer to a mystery: The break room is filled with complaints about testing. Professional development meetings are filled with complaints about testing. The media latches on to the theme at times. Yet while the testing theme spurts into internet threads, excess testing has not quite gone viral. I suspect the lack of virality (sic) comes because many teachers are not unhappy. If we were all miserable, our voices would have been heard by now. But we Whos in Whoville are still waiting for Horton’s response. Maybe that’s because a number of Whos are perfectly happy to test, test, test. Testing comes directly out of teaching. Are there happy Whos who prefer to teach less?

Eduhonesty: “From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere,” as Dr. Seuss once wrote. Maybe some of us actually like this madness. It’s possible.

This post may not reflect well on me, but I feel like it’s time to write this down.

Testing is a major stressor for students. Too much testing early in the day and I can end up herding cats on catnip at day’s close. Students end up feeling jangly, overamped, excitable and even angry. Whether tests go well or badly, student excitement levels notch up, as fight-or-flight reflexes kick in with no place to go except the next period. Evolution has prepared humans to meet threats; we are not good at recovering from the swift changes that prepare us for those threats.

But I can meet that challenge. I can prepare my lesson plan with the understanding that morning testing is best followed by afternoon movement, kinesthetic activities designed to be fun and expend energy. If I loosen the reins, I’m fine, although I may have to hope that one of the many peripatetic “coaches” does not choose to wander in at that time. If I’ve considered the politics of teaching, I’ll channel my movement into small groups to prepare for that observer.

I’ve gone off-topic here. What I intended to write about was the effect of testing on me. All considerations of students aside, I am finding testing easy. I used to do much less testing and much more teaching. Now, a Friday where I test all day is not uncommon. My teams prepare the tests I am required to give. I give the tests. I look at those days in my lesson plan and, while they are no Martin Luther King Day to go shopping with girlfriends and get my nails done, they are definitely a sort of day off. I put on music and we listen as the Titanic cruises to its doom. Often I play CDs made from songs they like. I wander around providing cheer, support and occasional hints, while cleaning the room and updating my files. I do the things I might do during prep time, if only meetings, subbing and random activities did not always eat up my prep time.

Testing days are light days. I have many more of them now than I used to have. In fact, I seem to have them all the time. That calculation from a couple of weeks ago when I spent over half my available teaching time giving tests over a nine-day period? That was a lot easier on me than teaching new material would have been. I read a script. They wrote answers. I read a script. They wrote answers. One portion of one test was boring — I wish they’d rewrite the speaking portion of that test some year soon — but nothing I did was particularly mentally taxing.

I do rely a little too much on the guy across the hall to tell me what I am doing on testing days but he’s obliging. He’s marvelous, in fact. He tells me what I’ve done, what I am doing that day and what I still need to do. I mostly know this stuff already, but it’s reassuring to listen to the plan. You can get in big trouble for messing up the standardized-test-of-the-moment.

Eduhonesty: This post meanders a bit. Here’s my observation/concern: I wonder if I am coming to like testing just because of its effect on my workload. I still object to the crazy test time stolen from learning for the sake of my students, but the truth is that I view that testing day in my lesson plan as a weak version of a day off. I am not teaching. They are only learning to the extent that writing answers down on a test can reinforce those answers in the educational long-run.

A teacher could learn to like all this testing. Maybe that’s why not all the classroom voices are rising up to protest testing’s infringement on learning. If I were coasting, endless testing might suit me just fine, especially if I did not even have to write the test. Some mostly-college-bound districts may be able to deliver scores without extensive teacher interventions. Even where interventions are necessary to success, that full-test Friday still becomes a day to relax for me. The morning test day requires a bit of planning, but may lead to a fun afternoon with the right planning.

I’m doing O.K. I am doing less planning and less teaching than ever before. I plan less because other people are writing my plans and even selecting my materials. I teach less simply because I cannot be teaching while I am testing and, as is evident from recent posts, I am testing a lot.

I am sure that my students would be doing better if I had more time to teach, but my schedule has slipped outside of my control. I fully intend to try not to get fired this year and if I refused to give the tests, I would lose my job. So I test. I teach to my tests.

And I relax into the testing. Since there’s nothing I can do to stop or slow the train, I am simply enjoying the ride.

I checked with my last class of the day. This thirteen-person, small class had only three students with computers at home, and one of those computers was broken. Only one student lived in a home with a full computer set-up. Almost all students had internet access through their phones, but two students had no internet access at all.

A better operational definition of the word “disadvantaged” would be hard to find. My own children were practicing keyboarding before they entered elementary school, and always had access to a computer with an internet connection and printer. They were perfecting internet search skills in elementary school. My youngest constructed a couple of rudimentary websites before she left elementary school. In contrast, my students find information retrieval to be a baffling process at best. A few have problems with log-ins. Many classrooms in my school have only a few laptops to share within small groups, laptops that must be picked up and returned daily.

Eduhonesty: Normally, I stay away from school finances. Money can be overrated as a fix for educational difficulties. Some older, math textbooks are easier to understand than their prettier, new counterparts. Expensive calculators are often overkill, at least before high school. Students don’t need Promethean boards. They can definitely learn from transparencies placed on overhead projectors.

With that said, I’d like to observe that keyboarding, along with computer search-and-retrieval skills, should be taught at an early elementary level. As finances are allocated, getting computers into the classroom ought to trump almost all other considerations. A number of middle school children in my classroom cannot figure out how to look up what happens to a plant deprived of sunlight. These children have fallen frighteningly far behind.